So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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