She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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