I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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