Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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