She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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