apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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