So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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