dude i'm inner monologue high
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
