Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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