He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
