Where is the hickey?
My cat gives me a boner
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize