I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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