how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize