haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
