Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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