Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
