I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
