Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
So many bounce houses so little time
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
