I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
