are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
