Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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