he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I need moral support for this bender
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
