it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
