Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
