My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
