If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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