I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
