Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
