i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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