if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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