We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
