no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize