Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
