return my video game
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
