Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize