I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
