Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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