i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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