I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
