i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
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Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
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She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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