I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
being pregnant is like rehab
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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