Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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