Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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