I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
