We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
zippers are such a cool invention
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
