Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize