I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
