Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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