matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
You're completely useless in the revolution.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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