i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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