Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
