i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
