Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
