There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
