you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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