Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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