i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
