a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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