Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
