i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
