I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
