Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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