ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
