It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
