someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
