Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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