I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
