he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
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