sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
